I closed my eyes this morning to try to take a quick nap before I had to get ready to go to class. As soon as I fall asleep my sweet dream begins. I’m in a car with my Aunt Sonia, Madison and Kaila. Aunt Sonia is driving. It’s unusual because she doesn’t drive. We’re on our way to one of Kaila’s classmates bday party. We arrive and the party hasn’t started as yet. I turn to tell Kaila let’s leave and come back. That’s when out of the corner of my eye, I see “him”. “He’s” riding a bike towards me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him on a bike. I smile instantly. “He” smiles back. God knows how much that smile used to make my heart melt. That same smile that seemed to be always pasted on “his” face.
“He” sits down next to me. I recognize “his” clothes. It’s a familiar outfit. We hug and “he” kisses my forehead. I bury my head in “his” chest and “he” rests his head on top of mine. I can hear his irregular heartbeat. Remembering the countless nights I lay on “his” chest listening to that double beat. “He” feels so warm. There’s a faint smell of the gym mixed with “his” own scent. “He” speaks first, “Hope you not out here disrespecting me?” I laugh and whisper, “I miss you.” In “his” deep voice he responds, “I miss you too.” I tell “him” to come back. “He” tells me that “he” wishes that “he” could. “He” said that “he” had no idea when he passed out that…. A ringing interrupts “him”. It gets louder and I can no longer see or feel “him”…but I can still smell “him”. I don’t want to open my eyes because I know my sweet dream is over.
Someone answers the house phone and the ringing stops. I open my eyes and I can still smell him. The smell is all around me. I feel a sharp pain in my chest and I can’t swallow. There’s a huge lump in my throat. I can’t breathe. I tell myself to calm down and slowly count to 10 in my head. I burst into tears. I needed to finish our conversation. I tried going back to sleep, but it didn’t work. My sister comes into the room and asks if I’m going to school. I have health psychology and we’re discussing heart disease. How ironic !